A couple of years ago we conducted a little experiment in our family. I wanted to teach into the level of nit-picking and bickering that was present at that time so I stuck a piece of paper down the length of the pantry door and began writing…

I began with the words:

“McEwan Family Rules”

• Don’t tease

• Don’t tease till the other person gets upset

• Don’t deny what you did

• Don’t over-react

• Don’t dob

• Don’t pretend you didn’t hear

• Don’t quote rules at each other

• Don’t nick off without finishing your jobs

• Don’t squidgie Caitlin’stummy

• Don’t stick masking tape on your lips

• Don’t fry your mum’s brain

• Don’t forget to tell Dad when Mum burps

We made it to 174 rules before deciding to stop after about 3 days of misery.  What we found was that these rules made us more miserable and kept us focussed on the things we were doing wrong.  This was in fact part of the purpose of the exercise and it was interesting to see the children whittle this mammoth list back to the two points the Bible uses to sum everything up… to love God and love your neighbour.

When we focus on rules and failure, life and the possibility of growth is squeezed out of us.  This is not Life or Freedom or Purity.  I believe that there is a space between black and white (wrong and right), but that space is not shades of grey, but rather; grace. 

A law is an external requirement… the Spirit is both alive and also gives life.  Paul was a major mover and shaker of his time and his words live on now 2000 years later.  Something he wrote was this:

2CO3:6b....not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

Grace gives freedom to grow.  It understands that others are moving from a different starting point and that their journey towards the same goal may look different from the outside.

Grace doesn’t deny truth but weaves together justice, mercy and humility.

MICAH 6:8 He hasshowed you, O man, what is good.  And what does the LORD require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Even when grace has been absent – we have the opportunity to grant it back.

Grace given and grace perceived both give opportunity to move forward.

If we dare to be honest about our responses we may sometimes find seeds of shame or guilt long concealed.  The world has worked hard at eradicating all negative emotions as bad, but even these have a purpose for good - for if we allow it, they can take us to a place of readiness for change.  Shame and guilt show us we are vulnerable -that there is something needing attention.

Of course there is also the possibility of false shame or guilt – no one needs to live under that pressure!  Growing Families teaches a concept known as ‘the prohibitive conscience” – this being the state of perpetual possible guilt! 

Many of us have regrets and hurts in ourlives.  Purity is not yet another avenue for condemnation but the place where we can be healed and move forward.  It is a place where we reset our mistakes and regrets as motivation to make it better for the generations to follow.

I’m not talking about attending rallies or picketing Parliament house… our culture needs people who recognize the need for change and will live it from the inside out - in an authentic, simple and practical way.  When change touches our hearts, we simply live in response to that. 

Change-makers are people who’ve made mistakes.  Who have faced the sorrows and perhaps consequences of the past.  They are people with hearts like a mother or a father who want things to be better for their children.  In different senses they are both ordinary and extraordinary!  They are people not afraid to be different to their culture - for there can be no change if there is no difference.  They are people who’ve combined their regrets and desires into positive force for growth and change.

So what do we see that we would want different to society’s ‘norms’ for our children?  What trends do we NOT desire for our children and why? 

Marriage breakdown and divorce for one.  Not so that we can improve a statistic but because we want to save them pain.  And not just the event of the divorce ITSELF but the situations leading to and resulting from it.  No one that’s lived this course found it a picnic!  I want to save our children this pain with the same passion and force I’d want to save them from falling into a burning building.  Maybe we can’t ‘save’them.  But maybe we can learn some lessonsfrom the past and equip and empower them to make better choices from a wider foundation – at the outset.

So what symptoms do I see?

Current day statistics.

Year 10 students who havehad… intercourse: 25%¹

Year 12 students: just over50%¹

As many as 80% (averageacross yr 10 & 12) are participating in some form of sexual activity.  91% have had intercourse by 20 years of age¹

It is estimated one quarterof ALL TEENS have an STD – many of whom will never know it as there areno visible symptoms that emerge before a number of other conditions – includinga range of cancers – can emerge 2-3 decades later in life.²

“Abortions were the secondmost common reason for young women aged 12 to 24 to be admitted to Australianhospitals in 1997-98.” ³

 

^{1Latrobe University;}

²“Teen Sex is Killing our Kids” Dr Meg Meeker;

³TheWest Australian Newspaper

www.latrobe.edu.au/cleu/sexual_health.htm

It’s easy to read statistics in a very cold and impersonal way but it’s not so comfortable when we measure these numbers by our own families or communities.

• One won’t be a virgin at 15.  The younger a person, the more partners in a lifetime and the more associated risk of disease.  This without considering the emotional trauma, the moral or spiritual beliefs as factors.

• Two out of four by age 17.

• Three out of four will be engaged in some form of sexual activity before finishing high school

• If there are six other children in your street (and you have four), only one of the 10 will have stayed abstinent till age of 20.

• If they marry according to average age for Australians today – they’ll be 30.  For some that’s half their lives being sexually active before committing to marriage

• One out of your four kids will have an STD before age 20

• Two or three will have an STD at some point in their life

What if you consider the children gathered for assembly in your very own school…  A school of 400 kids means

• 100 no longer virgins at 15

• 200 by 17

• 300 sexually active in someform at 17

• Only 40 of 400 remain abstinent till age 20

• Many less by the time theymarry at age 30

• 100 with an STD before turning 20.  An average of 10 more years to spread disease to several – mostly without ever knowing as some diseases present no initial symptoms. 

 

Inthe US- At least 50 percent of sexually active men and women acquire an HPV infectionat some point in their lives. By age 50, at least 80 percent of women will haveacquired an HPV infection.

www.cdc.gov/STD/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm

HPVis the only known cause of cervical cancer

www.health-science-report.com/

So after all that – is change really possible?

YES.

George Barna says:  

“Most people do not believe that there is any source of absolute moral truth. Even born again individuals are abandoning the notion of law based on scriptural principles.Families, who hold a major responsibility for shaping the moral values and attitudes of children, are ill-equipped to do that job in relation to aChristian worldview or on the basis of a comprehensive and coherent notion offaith-based truth. The result is that busy people, regardless of their faithaffiliation, wing it when it comes to moral decisions. Religious institutionscould greatly influence people in these areas, but they'd have to substantiallyalter their existing strategies."

http://www.barna.org/FlexPage.aspx?Page=BarnaUpdate&BarnaUpdateID=97

Something amazing has happened in Uganda over the last decade and ahalf.

Did you notice the statistics of sexually involved 13-16 year olds in Uganda (60% in 1994) has a frightening resemblance to our present day statistics for the same age group?

What did Uganda do?  They instituted Health programs which flew in the face of the generally accepted Public Health measures already in place.  They dared to go against thegrain of institutional thinking and watched the National statistics for disease and promiscuity dropping to approximately one third of their previous levels and one third of the surrounding countries.

Next week… we’ll begin looking at the answers tothese questions:

• What five areas are almost universal in those who wait?

• How can we implement these findings?

• What are the threats?

• Why does it matter if my children are still little?