If you have sexually stolen, given, been stolen from, coveted or swallowed lies, you may still today be being affected without even realising it.
If you coveted (desired), stole (took before the right time) you may bear the residue of guilt. Even if you’ve been to the Cross about it, this guilt may have left you in some confusion… or pain… or having made decisions for your family that are more based in feeling than in God’s truth.
If you were stolen from (abuse, loss of innocence etc) you may bear residue of shame or fear that also as above may - even if you’ve been to the Cross about it, have left you in some confusion… or pain… or having made decisions for your family that are more based in feeling than in God’s truth.
The biggest problem about lies is that we so often fall for the ones that sound like truth. We don’t recognise them as lies, because the ones that are most effective ARE the ones that sound like, or a mixed with a bit of truth. And once we know the truth, depending on the saturation of the lie, it can still take some time for the understanding of truth to move from head to heart such that it changes our behaviour.
Many of the worldly / cultural lies about sexuality are obvious.
Take a moment to think what some of these might be:
A few of my own ideas about worldly/cultural lies are that:
Sex is the ultimate pursuit.
Wearing this clothing will make you sexy.
You want to be considered sexy
You need and have every right to know what the rich and famous get up to!
Wearing sexy clothes is innocent fun for young girls.
Bus stop sign “If you don’t want an infection, use protection”
Advertising that incorporates fast food will make your children eat unhealthily and get fat, but let’s ignore the sexualised advertising aimed at children because that doesn’t have any effect at all.
You can watch other people fornicating and committing adultery – on heart warming films or crime shows - and it won’t affect your morals, opinions, emotions or passion for godliness.
We could go on and on!
Moving on… As Christians, lets establish a little of what we DO believe about sex. What is it for? What is its purpose? What does the Word say about it? (NOT looking for laws governing sex - working from the biblical standpoint that sex is for marriage alone – what then do we know?)
Experientially, not all these things will be known to all present – due to millennia of sin and consequence.
A few of my own ideas on what sex within a Christian framework is for:
Procreation (duh)
GE 1:28 God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."
Pleasure – If you doubt that God intended pleasure read the whole of Song of Solomon.
Bonding/Uniting
GE 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
In it’s creation, intention and design – it is very good. Something amazing, wonderful and mysterious.
GE 1:31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.
PR 30:18-19 "There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden.
It is in moral freedom
GE 2:25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Release – an outlet from temptation.
1CO 7:1-9 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
We’ll touch back on this verse soon.
To give and receive love
PR 5:18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
Intimacy.
Sex does not equal intimacy, though we call it that sometimes. It is intended to be a bridge to intimacy. It is a way to be completely known, loved, in love, laid bare, without shame, known, knowing of, trusting and being trusted, vulnerable, at peace, fulfilled etc etc etc. At the fulfillment of Gods heart in the creation of sex as a gift – we find the destination – a picture of all that we can know and be in Him.
PS 16:11 You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
I also believe that there are many “Christian lies” about sex at work in marriages – these being far more insidious than the worldly lies around us as they are cloaked in theology and imbued with the assumed authority of Scripture. No matter how we preach it, veil it, cloud it or wrap it, if we promote a “Christian” sexuality based in self promotion or manipulation of the other - granting permission to demand, require, punish, withhold, give, distract or require - we do nothing more than live out the perpetuation of consequences for sin found in Genesis 3.
In verses 14-15 God curses the serpent:
GE 3:14-15 So the LORD God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this, "Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel."
GE 3:16 To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."
GE 3:17-19 To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, `You must not eat of it,' "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return."
God’s words to the woman and to the man each involve the other gender also. It is not only the man who suffers, dies and returns to dust – though the words were spoken to him. It is not only the woman who suffers in the twin consequences of desire and rule – though the words were spoken to her.
It is a simple fact that the curse and consequences for sin brought by God Himself have made relationships much harder than was in His original creation, and what was known to Adam and Eve before they sinned. It is a simple fact that self-ruling men and women will seek to control and manipulate one another.
My desire for my marriage and for yours’ and those of our children is I think consistent with God’s desire for us each also. That separately and together as couples we grow more and more like Jesus, abounding more and more in love and grace that our marriages be less about self, less about consequence or curse, less about law and more about love, grace and delight.
What we understand about law and grace will also impact what and how we instruct our children in matters of human relationship.
This SNIPPET is excerpted from the Purity Paradigm resource:
